Karezza: Sex, Please…But, Hold the Orgasm!

The mysterious art of making love without climaxing.

-Natalie Bencivenga

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The idea of having sex without crossing the finish line may seem to some like a waste of time. Like Samantha from Sex and the City famously once said, “When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.”

This androcentric view of sex definitely has its place. Don’t get me wrong, orgasms are a hell of a lot of fun, but is this the only way to view the pleasures of love making? I began pondering that question after someone emailed me about his girlfriend’s interest in karezza. He wondered if this was something he should look into. Once I started researching this unique and beautiful approach to lovemaking, I reassured him that karezza would not only enhance their sex life, but deepen and strengthen their bond as well.

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Karezza is defined as a spiritual way of making love; it is a love meditation. The word was coined by Alice Bunker Stockham, MD at the end of the 19th century and was generally believed to have derived from the Italian word “carezza”, which means, caress. The emphasis rests on affection, attention to one another’s breathing, and a sense of deep relaxation during intercourse.

Stockham states, “During a lengthy period of perfect control, the whole being of each is merged into the other, and an exquisite exaltation experienced. This may be accompanied by a quiet motion, entirely under subordination of the will, so that the thrill of passion for either may not go beyond a pleasurable exchange.”

While you may question why you would want to try this form of lovemaking, I interviewed a couple who I had asked to experience it for themselves and gave more than rave reviews. (Names have been changed to protect the naughty.)

“Practicing karezza seemed like a ridiculous idea at first, but after we tried it, I realized how much time I spent on focusing on having orgasms. I wasn’t even present during the sex we were having, I was so caught up in “getting there”. Once I let all of that go, the sex took me to another place,” explains Jen of her experience.

Her boyfriend agreed. “It was so different than any other experience we had had together. We’ve been together for a long time, but trying this different approach really expanded our sexual horizons and brought us closer together.”